I saw this article about the Church of England’s decision to omit “obey” as part of the traditional marriage vows because it could be interpreted as justifying abuse. When I got married a few years ago, I asked the officiant to strike those words and to change “man and wife” to “husband and wife.” The church says it wants to send a message that men and women have equal value in the eyes of God. While these vows date back hundreds of years to a time when women were considered property, I find it striking that it took this long to consider changing it.

I haven’t seen (or officiated) any weddings where “obey” was still mentioned on the part of the woman only. With more and more couples writing their own vows, I think these words have been on the decline for some time. By linking the decision to domestic abuse, the church also helped open dialogue for those affected by domestic abuse, the sad side of weddings that no one discusses in bridal magazines.